Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, everyone!
 
Today marks the “Twelfth Night” or final day of the Christmas season. Tomorrow, we celebrate the Feast of the Epiphany, the time when the Wisemen finally arrived to visit and celebrate the birth of Jesus. And while it’s tempting to hit that point of, “Welp, that’s done, now what?”, especially on days like today that are grey, snowy, and cold, I encourage you to keep in mind the words of the late theologian, Howard Thurman, from his writing, The Work of Christmas:
 
When the song of the angels is stilled,
when the star in the sky is gone,
when the kings and princes are home,
when the shepherds are back with their flocks,
the work of Christmas begins:
to find the lost,
to heal the broken,
to feed the hungry,
to release the prisoner,
to rebuild the nations,
to bring peace among the people,
to make music in the heart.
 
YOUTH GROUP will be re-gathering VIRTUALLY tonight from 7:00-8:00pm via Zoom. The link will be sent out via the Weekly Update email. This is an added precaution following the holidays. Please stay tuned for next week’s gathering information.
 
SUNDAY SCHOOL will resume this Sunday, Jan. 9 via Zoom from 9:30-10:00am and will continue to meet virtually for the time being. The link will also be in the Weekly Update email.
 
ADULTS: We need your help with supervision – while adult leaders are welcome to participate fully in Youth Group, we need other adults in the building/online to meet our safeguarding guidelines. If you are able to help out, please contact me at asygappleton@gmail.com for more info. Thank you!
 
BISHOP VISIT: Bishop Matt Gunter will be at All Saints on Sunday, January 9, 2022 for both services. Folk can join in-person (masked) or via the livestream on Facebook or YouTube.
 
ACOLYTES/TECH SUPPORT: If you are a student interested in re-joining the acolyte roster or learning how to become an acolyte, please contact Emily Gilbert in the parish office at allsaintsappleton@gmail.com. If you’re a high school student or young adult interested in learning how to help run the livestream for worship services, contact Brad Retzlaff at allsaintsappletononline@gmail.com for more info.

My dear friends in Christ,
 
Our secular calendar has now caught up with our sacred one, so for the second time in as many months, I say to you:  HAPPY NEW YEAR!  And, as I said in my 2021 rector’s report for our last Annual Parish Meeting, WE’RE STILL HERE!
 
I do not mean to be coy; to the contrary, I begin with these two particular observations because I sincerely believe they are worth celebrating, and I wish for us to enter into this new year from a place, from a foundation, of celebration.
 
Because, let’s be honest, 2021 was a tough one, in so many ways.  Especially in its final few weeks.  Many of us, myself certainly included, are still reeling from sudden loss upon sudden loss.  Many of us, as well, are still facing difficult and painful challenges right now and in the months to come.  It’s especially important ~ crucial, even ~ at such times as these that we take time and care to center ourselves in God’s overwhelming love, mercy, grace, and peace.
 
I know.  So very much easier said than done.
 
It might even seem somehow inappropriate to spend time reflecting upon such “abstract” pleasantries, when there is so much pain and hurt, so much loss, so much violence and injustice and evil to deal with here in the “real” world.
 
Well, as fate would have it, even as I was in the midst of composing this message, our good bishop just happened to forward to me some passages of C. S. Lewis’s writings, and this one struck me as especially timely for our world, and for that matter our own parish family:
 
“A continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.
 
“It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is.
 
“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next.
 
“The Apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English Evangelicals who abolished the Slave Trade, all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven.
 
“It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.
 
“Aim at Heaven and you will get earth ‘thrown in’: aim at earth and you will get neither.”
 
– from Mere Christianity
 
As with so many of the deep truths of our faith, the point seems at first glance to be counterintuitive, if not outright contradictory.  And yet I believe that Lewis is one hundred percent correct here.  What’s more ~ forget about leaving our mark on history in this mortal life; I would argue that we can scarcely bear the hardships and pains of this life if we do not keep at least one eye focused on the life to come that is promised us in God’s gift of Jesus Christ, and him crucified and resurrected.
 
The Christian hope … in point of fact, the Christian experience as lived by countless generations of the faithful for two millennia … has never consisted in the wishful notion that baptism would somehow magically prevent us from ever again experiencing pain or suffering.  The stories of the martyrs put the lie to that very idea. 
 
No, the Christian hope is never so fanciful or deluded as all that.  Our hope rests in the fact, the concrete reality, that this mortal life, even unto death, is not the sum total of our existence.  This mortal life, for us Christians, can never be the whole story.  And, as Lewis points out, focusing our minds and hearts on the life to come, the reality of God’s heavenly, peaceable kingdom of which we get a taste each time we share the sacrament of Holy Communion together, is not escapism.  For escapism relies on fantasy, on denying or ignoring actual reality.  But for the Christian, life everlasting in God’s kingdom is reality, the ultimate, absolute reality, the foundation of all being.
 
So.  Where does that leave us, here at the brink of a brand new year, still here, living our real lives in the real world, with all the real hurts and real burdens we have to carry?  How do we live our real lives from the belief ~ from the knowledge ~ that the kingdom of God is real and had indeed come near to us in Christ?
 
We should recognize, I think, that our answers to those questions may well change from day to day, or even hour to hour, as the circumstances around us change.  By now, maybe we’re beginning to get used to the fact that reality changes more frequently than we’d like.  What doesn’t change is God’s enduring presence with us, in both our joys and our sorrows, and God’s unfailing, overwhelming love for us, each and every one of us.  Meanwhile, we do what Christians have always done:  we pray; we worship; we love each other; we forgive each other; we do what we can to help carry the burdens of those around us, making the load each one of us must bear just a little lighter.  And we look, and expect to find, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the people in our lives, every single day.
 
I realize that this message tends rather strongly in the direction of abstract language and poetic theology ~ well and good, I think, for the start of a new year.  Subsequent columns will get a little more concrete and specific, as the opportunities arise.  But for now, at this time of beginning, maybe it’s not such a bad thing to lift our minds, our hearts, and our spirits to things eternal, to set aside just briefly the thousand specific, pressing, practical concerns of this particular day and center our souls in the unchanging vastness of a loving God who has wonderfully created, and more wonderfully redeemed, each one of us … to catch a breath of Spirit before we start off again on the next leg of our journey.
 
Peace & blessings,
Christopher+

Advent greetings to all!
 
YOUTH GROUP FOR TODAY, 12/8, is canceled. We will meet again next Wednesday, 12/15 at 6:30pm in the Undercroft.
 
ADULTS: We need your help with supervision – while adult leaders are welcome to participate fully in Youth Group, we need other adults in the building to meet our safeguarding guidelines. If you are able to help out, please contact me at asygappleton@gmail.com for more info. Thank you!
 
ADVENTWORD: For those wishing to still participate in an online Advent calendar with an international community, consider following AdventWord, a ministry of Forward Movement. CLICK HERE to sign up for daily email devotionals or to find information on how to connect via social media. Daily posts are shared to the All Saints Instagram account for those who follow it.
 
St. Nicholas Visit & Gift Giving: St. Nicholas will be coming to All Saints on Sunday, December 12! Weather permitting (forecast is looking good!), we will have a short in-person gathering on the North Lawn (corner of Drew & Washington Streets) immediately following the 10:30am service – around 11:45am.
 
Thank you to those who have already started to bring gifts for our annual toy/book drive for Harbor House Shelter here in Appleton. All gifts should be new and unwrapped - CLICK HERE to access the Harbor House Holiday Needs List.
 
You may bring your gift to church on Sunday to put in the baskets in the choir area when coming up for communion. If you are unable to attend in-person, you may either leave gifts in the office, or contact Erin Wolf at asygappleton@gmail.com to make other arrangements. All gifts will be delivered Tuesday, Dec. 14.
 
Thank you for your time and consideration in bringing some holiday cheer to the families of Harbor House!
 
Winter Break: We will be taking some time off around the holidays to rest, enjoy our loved ones, and celebrate the Christmas season!
 
Sunday School will NOT meet Sunday, Dec. 26 or Sunday, Jan. 2. Classes will resume on Sunday, Jan. 9, 2022 with format (online vs in-person) be announced before Christmas.
 
Youth Group will NOT meet Wednesday, Dec. 29. Gatherings will resume on Wednesday, Jan. 5, 2022 in-person (we will continue to mask at this time).

Greetings to all!
 
Thanksgiving Break – There will be no Youth Group tonight, Wednesday, nor Sunday School on Sunday, Nov. 28 due to the holiday weekend. Our gatherings will resume next Wednesday, Dec. 1 and Sunday, Dec. 5.
 
ADULTS: We need your help with supervision – while adult leaders are welcome to participate fully in Youth Group, we need other adults in the building to meet our safeguarding guidelines. If you are able to help out, please contact me at asygappleton@gmail.com for more info. Thank you!
 
ADVENTWORD: The liturgical season of Advent begins this Sunday, November 28. For those wishing to participate in an online Advent calendar with an international community, consider following AdventWord, a ministry of Forward Movement. CLICK HERE to sign up for daily email devotionals or to find information on how to connect via social media. Updates will be shared to the All Saints Instagram account for those who follow it.
 
St. Nicholas Visit & Gift Giving: St. Nicholas will be coming to All Saints on Sunday, December 5! Weather permitting, we will have a short in-person visit OUTSIDE on the North Lawn immediately following the 10:30am service at 11:45am.
 
In order to prepare for his arrival, we are getting word out about our annual toy/book drive for Harbor House Shelter here in Appleton. All gifts should be new and unwrapped - CLICK HERE to access the Harbor House Holiday Needs List.
 
You may bring your gift to church on Dec. 5 to put in a box or basket in the choir area when coming up for communion. If you are unable to attend in-person, you may either leave gifts in the office, bring them to services on Dec. 12, or contact Erin Wolf at asygappleton@gmail.com to make other arrangements.
 
Thank you for your time and consideration in bringing some holiday cheer to the families of Harbor House!
 
Finally, a collect for Thanksgiving from The Book of Common Prayer:
 
Almighty and gracious Father, we give you thanks for the fruits of the earth in their season and for the labors of those who harvest them. Make us, we pray, faithful stewards of your great bounty, for the provision of our necessities and the relief of all who are in need, to the glory of your Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
 
Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving holiday, y’all!

My dear friends in Christ,
 
If I remember correctly, I’ve joked with y’all once or twice about the ancient curse that says:  “May you live in interesting times.”  The joke being, of course, that in your average history class, the “interesting” parts of the textbook are the chapters covering dire, cataclysmic events—wars, plagues, famines, the collapse of empires, et al.  Interesting to read about … but not so much from the perspective of anyone who has to live through such times.
 
That latter perspective is better expressed by the protagonist, Frodo, in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, when it sinks in that he has been fated to play a critical role in what might actually be the end of the world:  “I wish the ring had never come to me.  I wish that none of this had happened.”
 
The wizard Gandalf—the embodiment of wisdom in the tale—responds to Frodo’s lament with words that might just resonate with us today:  “So do I.  And so do all who live to see such times.  But that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
 
His answer doesn’t solve the problem, of course.  It doesn’t resolve much of anything.  Yet, it does manage to reframe Frodo’s (and our) perspective, and perhaps to reorient our priorities.
 
My friends, I love this parish.  I love being part of it, and I love that God called me and my family here to be among you.  It’s not really possible to express in words the gratitude that I feel that this is the parish I get to serve as your priest.  Your faith, as a Christian community, is so deep, and your grace so freely shared, that it is truly a joy to be here.
 
That said, we have been living in “interesting times” for a long while, now.  As many of you know, I arrived at All Saints on the first of December (Advent 1), 2019, and it felt like I was here for about twenty minutes before Covid hit and the whole world came crashing down.
 
I exaggerate, of course.  A preacher’s prerogative … or at least, a preacher’s typical bad habit.  Even so, the year and a half that I should have—would have—spent visiting with you, sharing meals, enjoying with you the sights & sounds of Appleton, and just generally building relationships, we instead had to spend scrambling, together, to figure out how even to do church at all in the depths of a global pandemic.  Everything had to be re-visioned, re-imagined.  The word “daunting” hardly covers it, yes?
 
But this amazing parish did so much more that merely weather the hardships.  This congregation, from what I saw, basically said:  “Okay, another crisis.  Guess we’d better get on with it.” : )  I cannot tell you how utterly inspiring it has been to watch the way all of you came together in order to make sure that we stayed together as a parish family.  To say “thank you” hardly covers it, indeed.
 
That said, I have to admit that, as inspiring and uplifting as it has been to be with you all through these interesting times, as your brand new rector (can I still say that after almost two years?), I have also found it extremely challenging.  And lately I’ve begun to notice some signs of burnout.  And a burnt-out priest is neither good nor healthy for any congregation.
 
So, despite the fact that it is an absolutely terrible time to do so … and despite the fact that I was only just able, last Sunday, to be back with you after having to quarantine for ten days prior … and at the urging of our Wardens and Vestry (and especially my wife, Anne!) … I have realized that I need to go ahead and take the rest of my allotted vacation time for 2021 now.
 
I will be “gone” for the next two Sundays, as I go on retreat in order to recharge, refresh, and reorient myself in order to be stronger, healthier, and better prepared to serve this wonderful faith community into the new liturgical year.  It had been my hope to do that prior to the start of Advent, but those ten days of Covid lockdown threw a spanner into those works, unfortunately.  As always, in the event of any serious emergency, I will be reachable, and I will not be too far away to get back if anything major happens.  But I’ve hit a point where I just don’t have a whole lot left in the tank, as we say down South. 
 
It is my deep desire—and indeed, at my installation I swore a solemn oath before God and all of you—to serve you as diligently and as faithfully and as fully as I can, offering you everything I’ve got as your priest and rector.  To be able to do that, I need to take this time of retreat and restoration.  My heartfelt thanks to the Wardens and the Vestry leadership of this parish for your support and encouragement in making sure that I do what I need to in order to be healthy and strong for all of you.  And my thanks to all of you, who make All Saints the incredible home that it is for us.  I very much look forward to completing the journey of Advent with you in a couple weeks, and moving together into the blessed season of Christmas.
 
See you soon! 
 
Peace & blessings,
Christopher+

Greetings to all!
 
Update on Youth Ministry: Sunday School (ages 4 and up) will continue to meet Sundays from 9:30-10:00am via Zoom. We anticipate meeting virtually with this age group at least through the end of the calendar year, at which time we will re-evaluate and see where families are at. The pending news of a possible vaccine for children ages 5-11 is encouraging and exciting, and with that, we still want to be safe and intentional as we continue to resume in-person classes.
 
Youth Group (grades 5-12) will resume in-person gatherings on Wednesday, Nov. 3 and will meet Wednesdays from 6:30-8:00pm. We do have students who are still happy to also meet virtually for any families not yet comfortable with in-person meetings. If your family wishes to remain virtual, please contact me immediately at asygappleton@gmail.com so we may set-up a time to meet. Masks are required for all in-person participants at this time when indoors.
 
ADULTS: We need your help with supervision – while adult leaders are welcome to participate fully in Youth Group, we need other adults in the building to meet our safeguarding guidelines. If you are able to help out, please contact me at the above email address for more info. Thank you!
 
Please also be sure to fill-out and return 2021-2022 Registration and Media Release Form – you can either fill out digitally and email back to me or drop off a hard copy at All Saints. These are helpful to keep track of students & families and grant us permission to use your child(ren)’s photo for All Saints/Youth Ministry purposes. Thank you for helping keep our records current!
 
Those seeking Confirmation/Reception have until this Sunday, Oct. 31, to express your interest. Preparation coursework will begin next week in order to be ready for Bishop Matt Gunter’s visit to All Saints on January 2, 2022.
 
Thank you all for your continued patience and flexibility as we keep wading through this phase of the pandemic.

My dear friends in Christ,
 
It has been too long since my last column here.  To say that the past couple of months have been “full” would not be to do justice to the reality.  Our incremental process of reopening continues apace, with all the busy-ness that such an undertaking brings.  And particularly in the past few weeks, we have had some extraordinary events in the life of our parish.  Most recently, we held our first real parish-wide celebration together since Covid first shut us down in March of 2020:  we had a formal Celebration of New Ministry, and y’all got yourselves a “new” rector officially installed.
 
So I am writing today to express my deep, abiding, and truly heartfelt thanks to all of you who worked so very hard to make that celebration so amazing.  So many people in this parish stepped up and came together to plan a perfect evening … and then y’all showed up on the day to make sure it actually happened.  It was a phenomenal amount of work with, I think, equally phenomenal results.  Thank you all so very much—on behalf of my family, who were made to feel warmly and fully welcomed here all over again, and on my own behalf.  I am truly delighted that God called me here to become part of your parish family.
 
In the message I sent out before the Installation, I mentioned that this celebration came at a turning point in our lives together.  This parish is no stranger to such turning points, I suspect—at least from the history I’ve learned so far.  So perhaps to call this moment, now, a turning point seems a bit pedestrian … like, “Yes, Father, we know.  Turning point.  We’ve got it.”  But a turning point doesn’t have to be earth-shatteringly cataclysmic to be important.  For so long, during Corona-tide, we have reflexively looked over our shoulders to the past.  We’ve had to!  When Covid shut us out of our buildings, we had to figure out how to “do church” in new ways, and one of our main goals (certainly one of my personal goals) was to find a way, during the pandemic, to hold onto as much of what we had, as much of what we’ve always loved about our church, as possible.
 
I remain in awe of the way the people of this parish stepped up to find creative ways to do just that.
 
Now, even though we’re not out of the Covid woods yet, we are at a turning point nonetheless—for now we can begin to focus our attention and our energy not only on what we want to hold onto from the past, but also what we want to do and create and become in the future.  Please do notice that I say “also” and not “instead of.”  Part of the point of being an Episcopal Church is being part of a truly ancient tradition, being the heirs of through Christ of the Truths revealed in Him by God, and having a rich and abundant heritage stretching back thousands of years.  We are not at a “turning point” of throwing any of that away—and with God’s grace and help we never will be!
 
We are, however, at an exciting new point in the life of this particular Episcopal parish:  a point at which we can begin looking ahead to what All Saints will be like in three years, in five, in 15.  We can start to imagine, and then to implement, new programs, new ministries, new connections with the community and city around us … new ways to be more visible in downtown Appleton, and new ways to invite more and more people to share in our life in Christ here at All Saints.
 
So stay tuned for what’s to come!  There’s a lot in the works behind the scenes at the moment, and we’ll be sharing with you some exciting new opportunities very soon.  In the meantime, thank you all once again for welcoming me and my wife and daughters (once again) to this wonderful city, this wonderful community, this wonderful parish family.  We have already been so richly blessed by you all since coming here.  And we look forward to many more amazing years to come!
 
Blessings,
Christopher+

Greetings to all!
 
Sunday School will continue to meet virtually Sundays from 9:30-10:00am, and Youth Group will meet Wednesdays from 7:00-7:45pm. Please note that these times will change whenever we are able to resume in-person gatherings, and we will find a new time to gather for those families wishing to remain online for the 2021-2022 school year.
 
Parents: please answer this one question survey to let me know your preferences for online vs in-person formation. CLICK HERE
 
Please also be sure to fill-out and return 2021-2022 Registration and Media Release Form – you can either fill out digitally and email back to me or drop off a hard copy at All Saints. These are helpful to keep track of students & families and grant us permission to use your child(ren)’s photo for All Saints/Youth Ministry purposes. Thank you for helping keep our records current!
 
Bishop Matt’s visitation to All Saints is January 2, 2022. As such, if anyone is interested in being Confirmed or Received into the Episcopal Church, contact Erin Wolf by Oct. 31 for more information. Those seeking Confirmation must be at least 16 years of age (or turning 16 in the 2021-2022 school year) or older.
 
Fall Youth Gathering will be held Saturday, Oct. 23 from 10am-4pm at St. Anne’s, De Pere. This diocesan event is open to students in grades 6-12 and adult leaders. We will have games, worship, group activities, and more.
 
Thank you all for your continued patience and flexibility!

Autumnal greetings to all!
 
At this time, we are continuing to hold Sunday School & Youth Group via Zoom as we head into October. Links may be found in the Weekly Update emails, as well as in the Fall 2021 calendars on the Youth Ministry website. As mentioned before, we will keep families in the loop about possible in-person options.
 
Sunday School will meet Sundays from 9:30-10:00am, and Youth Group will meet Wednesdays from 7:00-7:45pm. Please note that these times will change whenever we are able to resume in-person gatherings, and we will find a new time to gather for those families wishing to remain online for the 2021-2022 school year.
 
Please also be sure to fill-out and return 2021-2022 Registration and Media Release Form – you can either fill out digitally and email back to me or drop off a hard copy at All Saints. These are helpful to keep track of students & families and grant us permission to use your child(ren)’s photo for All Saints/Youth Ministry purposes. Thank you for helping keep our records current!
 
A reminder that Fr. Christopher’s Celebration of New Ministry is Tuesday, October 5 beginning at 5:30pm. Please watch for other official communications for more details.
 
Bishop Matt’s next official visitation for All Saints will be January 2, 2022. As such, anyone interested in being Confirmed or Received into the Episcopal Church should contact Erin Wolf for more information. Those seeking Confirmation must be at least 16 years of age (or turning 16 in the 2021-2022 school year) or older. Preparation classes will be held this fall as needed.
 
Fall Lock-In is being altered to be a single day, in-person event for 2021. This diocesan event is open to students in grades 6-12 and adult leaders. We are planning for Saturday, Oct. 23 from 10am-4pm at St. Anne’s, De Pere. More details will be announced within the coming weeks.
 
Thank you all for your continued patience and flexibility!

Greetings to all!
 
Sunday School is now underway, and Youth Group will resume tonight, Wednesday, from 7:00-7:45pm via Zoom. Links may be found in the Weekly Update emails, as well as in the Fall 2021 calendars on the Youth Ministry website.
 
As mentioned in previous communications, due to the Delta variant of the COVID-19 virus, we will resume ONLINE-ONLY gatherings for ​the month of September, and we will keep families in the loop about possible in-person options for October and beyond.
 
Sunday School (ages 4 & up) will meet Sundays from 9:30-10:00am, and Youth Group (grades 5-12) will meet Wednesdays from 7:00-7:45pm. Please note that these times will change whenever we are able to resume in-person gatherings, and we will find a new time to gather for those families wishing to remain online for the 2021-2022 school year.
 
Please also be sure to fill-out and return 2021-2022 Registration and Media Release Form – you can either fill out digitally and email back to me or drop off a hard copy at All Saints. These are helpful to keep track of students & families and grant us permission to use your child(ren)’s photo for All Saints/Youth Ministry purposes. Thank you for helping keep our records current!
 
If there are any students interested in assisting with the upcoming Celebration of New Ministry on Tuesday, Oct. 5, please contact Erin Wolf immediately at asygappleton@gmail.com.
 
Bishop Matt’s next official visitation for All Saints will be January 2, 2022. As such, anyone interested in being Confirmed or Received into the Episcopal Church should contact Erin Wolf for more information. Those seeking Confirmation must be at least 16 years of age (or turning 16 in the 2021-2022 school year) or older. Preparation classes will be held this fall as needed.
 
Fall Lock-In is being altered to be a single day, in-person event for 2021. This diocesan event is open to students in grades 6-12 and adult leaders. We are planning for Saturday, Oct. 23 from 10am-4pm at St. Anne’s, De Pere. More details will be announced within the coming weeks.
 
Thank you all for your continued patience and flexibility!

My dear friends in Christ,

Here is the final (for now) installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’ve been sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish. 

If anything here has in any way sparked your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I very much look forward to hearing from y’all!

Conclusion:  Okay, that’s my story … but what have I not told you?
Well, honestly, there is so much I haven’t told you, even in a newsletter column comprising eight installments and spanning several months.  (I mean, in light of those facts, you can’t say it’s for lack of trying, right? :) )  There is too much left out and left over to condense into this conclusion; unlike the illustrious Inigo Montoya, I can’t even “sum up.”  Even in all these entries, it seems there just wasn’t time to tell you about my erstwhile attempts to become a 1970s guitar hero, the years that I served on the board of directors for a professional writers association/conference, my time as a newspaper reporter, a lumber/building supply salesman, a burger-slinger, a telemarketer (yikes!).  Indeed, I’ve even left out most of my time teaching freshman English for various colleges—my life for 19 years, if you include the three years that I taught half time whilst pursuing my first master’s degree.

And even of the things that I have shared with you about my spiritual journey, there are so many wonderful, and wonderfully weird, details and detours, dead-ends and do-overs that have gone unmentioned in the telling.  I assure you, that is not because I’m being coy, much less because I feel like there’s anything to hide.  In part, the omissions were down to limits upon time and space—I don’t mean in the cosmic sense of astrophysics, by the way!  The space-time continuum did not warp or in any way interfere with my writing process.  Rather, there was only so much time I could devote to these column entries, and there was only so much space I could justify taking up in the parish newsletter! 

The other reason, though, for leaving out so much of the story, so much of myself, is that, Covid pandemic restrictions aside, I am still very much looking forward to spending time, face to face, in person, with as many of you in this parish as we possibly can in the coming year.  For the moment, it does appear that the rates of infection are once again forcing us to clamp down on gathering together in person, but this circumstance will not last forever (however much it might feel, right now, as if it might)!  So I’d like you all to know that there’s still plenty left for us to discover together, for us to take mutual delight in as we learn each other’s stories and histories and share more of our own.

If you have never attempted to write your own spiritual autobiography, I strongly encourage you all to give it a try.  The underlying process of trying to write out the story of your journey to, and with, God can be enlightening, transforming, even liberating … whether or not you ever create a completed document on paper.  It is a very good way to prepare yourself to make an account of the joy that is in you, something we Christians are admonished and encouraged to be able to do at all times.

At any rate, I eagerly look ahead to any and all opportunities that will arise for me to hear and learn your stories.  I’ve made a bit of a start, with some of you, so far in this first … is it almost two years already?  Wow.  On one hand, the time has flown by; on the other, thanks to Covid, it feels like nearly two decades instead of nearly two years.  In that time, it has been my great privilege to begin getting to know many of you; I enthusiastically look forward to getting to know the rest of you as we work together to make sure All Saints continues to do its part to serve God’s kingdom here in Appleton.

Peace and blessings to you all!
Christopher+

My dear friends in Christ,

Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!

Discernment Process, Part 5

December of 2012 saw the birth of our second child.  It was an extremely joyous and extremely stressful time, as I went in for back surgery in January of 2013 and was looking at a long recovery, and Anne was suddenly forced to become a single parent with double the number of children under her care (triple, if you include me in the count!).  The situation was only marginally better after my surgery, as I was now facing a fairly lengthy recovery, with regular doses of heavy medication and a number of restrictions that rendered me unable to be much help with the children.  I was forbidden, for example, to lift more than about five pounds’ weight.

Just as bad, I found myself unable to concentrate clearly enough to work on the long-overdue paperwork for the diocese, as the medications kept me in a constant state of light-headedness.  Time seemed determined to continue speeding onward, yet I seemed to be losing any and all momentum in terms of moving my process of discernment forward.  My discernment process felt like a shambles.  How was I to get back on track?

I started back to work teaching at the end of the spring semester, in March of 2013.  Adjusting to the workload post-surgery was not easy, and it was April of that year before I finally got all of the necessary forms, tests, applications, explications, and documentation completed and submitted to the diocesan office in Columbia.  With my profuse apologies for the delays included.

Over the summer, I had a follow-up meeting with the Commission on Ministry that, in hindsight, did not go nearly as well as I’d hoped—or as I had thought it did at the time.  The impressions of the committee members seemed, from the feedback I later received, quite different from the impressions I had thought I was giving off during the meeting.  In the moment, I thought things had gone well enough, but the committee later expressed several concerns regarding my possible call to ministry.  However, the committee decided to address these concerns by having me meet with two mentors from the committee over a period of a few months, which is where my process stood in September of 2013.

Though the meetings with the two mentors were apparently quite successful both in their opinions and in mine—the experience was, in fact, quite spiritually affirming and uplifting to me—the overall Committee recommended against granting me Postulancy in early 2014.  But at the suggestion of the co-chair of the Commission on Ministry, I scheduled a meeting with Bishop Waldo anyway to discuss what possibilities existed for my continued discernment.  He shared the commission’s concerns that I needed to find a way to view organization and administration not as “necessary evils” but rather as part and parcel of a pastoral call, and he assigned me an essay to write that would require me to explore ways in which I could trigger that shift in my understanding.  I eagerly complied, and after he reviewed what I had submitted, Bishop Waldo granted me Postulancy at the end of March of that year.  After a mad scramble at that late date to get accepted to their program, I enrolled in The School of Theology at the University of the South in the fall of 2014. 

I graduated in May of 2017 and was ordained to the diaconate on 17 June of that year, not quite three weeks after beginning my first call as Assistant to the Rector of Holy Trinity Episcopal Parish in Clemson, SC.  On 1 February 2018, I was made a priest in God’s one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church—some twenty years since I first found the courage during graduate school to mention to the priest at the small Episcopal church in Carbondale that I wondered if I might be called to be a priest.  In some ways, my ordination to the priesthood marked the end of my discernment process … but in a larger (more accurate) sense, what happened at that point was that the nature of discernment changed.  I had been initiated into the life to which God had called me.  For all that it had taken for me to get to that point, it was in truth only the beginning…

My dear friends in Christ,

Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!

Discernment Process, Part 4
During the course of my work with the Augusta Committee, Anne received word that funding had indeed come through for the job in Asheville she’d applied for many months before.  At that point, there was no way we’d be moving to Georgia, and I realized that I’d have to cut my time with the Augusta Committee short.  I was anxious about how that conversation was going to go; this group had, after all, invested quite a bit of effort into my discernment.  Yet, when I informed the committee of the change in my circumstances (at our third meeting) they offered to complete my full six-meeting rotation “as our free gift to you,” in the words of a priest on the committee.  I was not only grateful for that, but also quite humbled.  Not only was I moving towards clarity in my work with this committee, but I was also being rejuvenated and restored, as well.  I hadn’t realized how deeply I’d been wounded by some of my previous experiences with discernment until I was confronted with such positive, nurturing experiences as I was then having.  And by the time I finished the six-month period, I once again felt the kind of clarity I’d first felt back in 2001.

However, there were some important differences this time around.  I realized, in hindsight, that seven years previously, without being aware of it, I had made it my primary goal to get into seminary.  I had looked at my time in Spartanburg as a sort of a temporary stopover on the way to seminary.  And when things didn’t fall into place as quickly as I thought they should have, I hadn’t been quite sure what to do.  But coming out of my work with the Augusta Committee, I had developed a different goal—by this point, I simply wanted to serve.  Were I to re-enter the formal discernment process, I knew it would be without the preconceived notions I’d brought with me the first time.   And perhaps, given that difference, the process this time might not only be much less painful, but possibly even downright joyful.
Coming out of that experience in Augusta, I felt convicted that I needed to begin the formal discernment process within a parish once again, and as soon as that thought struck me, I also realized that I needed to enter that process at my home parish of St. Matthew’s.  Stepping outside of that environment for a few months of discernment had made it abundantly clear what a true spiritual home St. Matthew’s had been to me, and for me.  The thought of walking away from the support, the friendship ~ the family ~ that I had there in order to discern my vocation in some other parish had now become unimaginable.  That is why I came back to Fr. Rob in 2010 and asked him if we could meet and begin talking about discernment, vocation, and priesthood again—and that was no easy thing to do, after so many years.  But it was something I knew that I had to do, that I was compelled to do.  As I only vaguely understood when I was thirteen, it was something that’s bigger than any one person; it is certainly bigger than I.
That is what led me to the St. Matthew’s discernment committee in 2010.  It was a very affirming and uplifting time, returning to the work of discernment “at home,” so to speak, and I was grateful for the opportunity to share that part of my spiritual journey with my family at St. Matthew’s.  I was doubly grateful for that support when, in October of that year, our first child was born. 
From my time with the St. Matthew’s committee, my discernment was much more focused than it had been previously, and for the first time, one step on the journey finally seemed to lead to a next step, and a next step.  After being approved by the committee to continue discerning at the diocesan level, I was invited to take a biblical literacy exam and to participate in a newly developed internship program for those discerning a call to ordination, and that placed me in another parish for the summer (of 2012), where I was required not only to design, but also to implement, an entirely new ministry for St. James Episcopal Church in Greenville, SC. 
Following the internship, which my supervising priest considered to be successful despite several challenges, I would have moved to the next step of meeting for three to four months with a pair of mentors selected from the Commission on Ministry, except that I had not completed the 600 pages of diocesan paperwork, including a required psychological screening, by the end of the summer internship.  Somehow, I had mistakenly thought I wasn’t supposed to begin the paperwork until after the internship had concluded.  Suddenly, and very unexpectedly, I found myself horribly “behind” in my process.  I was told that I needed to get the paperwork done as quickly as possible to continue the process, but that if I did so, the delay shouldn’t hurt me to badly.  Unfortunately, time and circumstance made doing so not only difficult, but temporarily impossible. 
By October, 2012, when I received the news about my paperwork, I was nearing the end of that fall semester’s teaching load—classes were wrapping up and I had final grading to do.  It looked like I’d be able to get the paperwork completed and sent off by November without too much difficulty.  But that is exactly when a herniated disk in my lower back began to press into my sciatic nerve, effectively crippling me for the next three months.  After many medications, many chiropractic adjustments, and many doctor visits, I had to accept that I needed surgery to correct the problem.  I scheduled the procedure for January 30, 2013, which was the soonest I could have it done.
Meanwhile, our second child was born three days ahead of schedule on the evening of Christmas Day.  It was an extremely joyous and extremely stressful time, as I was still crippled and Anne was suddenly forced to become a single parent with double the number of children under her care (triple, if you include me in the count!).  The situation was only marginally better after the surgery, as I was now facing a fairly lengthy recovery, with regular doses of heavy medication and a number of restrictions that rendered me unable to be much help with the children.  I was forbidden, for example, to lift more than about five pounds’ weight.
Just as bad, I found myself unable to concentrate clearly enough to work on the long-overdue paperwork for the diocese, as the medications kept me in a constant state of light-headedness.  Time seemed determined to continue speeding onward, yet I seemed to be losing any and all momentum in terms of moving my process of discernment forward.  My discernment process felt like a shambles.  How was I to get back on track?

To be continued...

Peace,
C+

My dear friends in Christ,
 
Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!
 
Discernment Process, Part 3
 
So I had come to the realization that I had to go back to Fr. Rob, the priest with whom I had initially began exploring a possible call to holy orders years ago, and tell him that I believed I needed to re-enter into the discernment process in The Episcopal Church.  But by now, it had been a couple of years since I’d been active in church at all, much less actively pursuing a call to ministry.  What was he likely to think?  How genuine could my call be, if it apparently fluctuated like that?  What did it say of me, that I had stepped away from the process once before?
 
There were further, more pragmatic complications, as well.  Anne and I were planning at that time to be in South Carolina for perhaps another year, and not much beyond that.  What would Rob, or the church, for that matter, think about the prospect of beginning the process anew when I might not be around for the long haul?  Yes, I had rediscovered my sense of call.  I was afraid, however, that I might already have missed my window of opportunity.
 
I was hesitant, therefore, even to attempt to begin the process again there, in the Diocese of Upper South Carolina.  Anne and I were seriously considering the possibility of moving back to Georgia in order that I might attend graduate school; as I spoke with my father about that possibility, and about my concerns about restarting the discernment process, he recommended that I contact Bishop Louttit of the Diocese of Georgia. 
 
My parents had moved back to south Georgia, and they had been sharing with me stories of the innovative ways Bishop Louttit had been addressing the shortage of priests in his diocese.  They thought he might have some insight as to how I might best proceed.  Indeed, Bishop Louttit spoke with me (a complete stranger to him) for an hour when I called, and he was kind enough to refer me to one of his diocesan Discernment Committees, one based in Augusta, which wasn’t too far from where we were in South Carolina. 
 
Under Bishop Louttit’s direction, the Diocese of Georgia had created regional standing committees to be the first step for aspirants (those who wonder if they might be called to holy orders) in their discernment processes.  The aspirant would meet with a regional committee (made up of clergy and laity from several parishes within the diocese) once a month for six months.  At the end of that time, the committee members make a recommendation to the aspirant’s home parish based on their perception of the person’s path and vocation.  Although I was not coming from a parish within the diocese, Bishop Louttit offered to put me in touch with the Augusta Committee so that I might come to a clearer understanding of the path to which God was calling me before Anne and I picked up and moved to Georgia.
 
This opportunity seemed like a Godsend.  I was extremely grateful for the chance to explore God’s calling in a structured environment and for the chance to have help gaining clarity after my earlier experiences.  I must stress, however, that what led me to that exploration with a group in Augusta, as opposed to seeking it in my home parish, was the near certainty that Anne and I would be moving out of that parish, and out of the diocese, in comparatively short order.  Anne had applied the previous year for a job in Asheville, but it seemed unlikely that funding for the position would be available, and we were each becoming less and less satisfied with our current job situations in South Carolina.  We needed a change, and it looked like that would mean a move to a new locale.
 
It would, perhaps, have made more sense to wait until we had moved and joined a new parish to take on such work again, but despite the uncertainty regarding where we were going to end up, I felt a sense of urgency to proceed with discernment.  When my sense of being called (to something) flared back to life, it did so intensely.  I had reached a point where I couldn’t really make long term plans with my wife for our future together without a better understanding of what role(s) I would be called to play.
 
In that light, I entered into working with the Augusta Discernment Committee with the specific goal of discerning whether my primary path of service ought to be academic or ministerial.  I realized that the two were not only not mutually exclusive, but often interdependent; I felt driven to discover, however, whether I could be of better service as an academic who also does ministry, or as a minister with an academic background. 
 
When I began meeting with the Augusta committee, I suspected that I would end up leaning towards a primarily academic vocation, one which I thought would likely include some aspects of lay ministry.  But as I moved more deeply into exploring the questions put to me by the committee, it became clearer and clearer to me that where I wanted to be, that where I needed to be, was in Christ’s Church, helping to administer His Sacraments—in other words, I began to realize that the academic gifts I’d been given and experiences I’d had would only be put to their best and highest use in service to God’s people through His Church.  I felt called to be directly involved with people’s lives, on a more holistic basis than I had experienced as a college teacher.  And parish life is full of very real opportunities for teaching and learning, after all, and that’s also where opportunities for healing, grace, reconciliation, and transformation are likely to be experienced, much more directly so than in any academic classroom that I had yet be part of.
 
I was coming to another point of clarity on the road to ordination.  But, as is often the case in the fullness of God’s time, there was yet another twist coming … 

To be continued…
 
Peace,
C+

THE GOOD NEW DAYS:
A Few (okay, a lot!) More Words about Service Times, Sunday Schedules, the Good Ol’ Days,
and what’s on the near-horizon
 
My dear friends in Christ,
 
It wasn’t very long at all after I first announced that we were about to experiment with moving our Sunday service time to 10:30 for the remainder of July that I began receiving inquiries about the change.  While some folks reached out to say “thank you,” the majority of the messages that came in asked whether we would ever have an early service again, or if this new, later start time were an indication that anybody who preferred the early service would simply be out of luck, moving forward.  Other folks have raised questions about when we might be able to stop roping off every other pew, when we might be able to sing hymns together, and what our “new normal” might actually look like, when and if we manage to get to the point of having a “normal” again, after Covid.
 
So I wanted to take the opportunity to share with all of you the answers to some of these questions that have come in, as well as a more in-depth glimpse into the thought process behind this experiment and the longer-term goals involved as we try to navigate this strange in-between time of being almost post-Covid, but not quite.
 
By far, the most common question so far has been “Will we ever go back to having an early morning service again?”  The short answer to that question is:  YES, I absolutely hope and plan to return to our pre-Covid practice of having both an early and a later service each and every Sunday.  Please understand that there is no question of whether we will be adding an early service back into our schedule; the only question is when.
 
In answer to that question, the current plan is to resume a two-service schedule for Sunday mornings no later than this fall, when we’ll be launching our regular program year.  Everything else being equal, that would be the logical time to make such a change.  That said, however, there is a consideration that might lead us to return to a two-service schedule sooner than that:  if our in-person attendance continues to increase ~ and especially if the diocese continues to require us to rope off spaces for social distancing between usable pews ~ then we will need to have two services in order to accommodate everyone whilst maintaining social distancing.
 
Even if the diocese decides to relax the social distancing requirements, if in-person attendance gets much higher than it was last Sunday (the 11th), I’ll want us to go to two services anyway, in order to help things run more smoothly in terms of logistics.  Since we resumed in-person worship on Palm Sunday, but prior to last Sunday, the highest attendance we had ever had in church on a Sunday was 36 people; we had been averaging about 21 per Sunday.  (By way of comparison, in pre-Covid times, we were seeing 13-20 people each Sunday at the early service and 55-75 people each Sunday at the later one.)
 
This past Sunday, we broke 40 for the first time (41, to be precise).  That was good news, not only because it marked a significant increase in in-person attendance, but also because one of the main reasons we wanted to try out starting at 10:30 for a few weeks was that many of our parishioners, including a half dozen of our more senior parishioners, had been asking me ever since we re-opened if we could start later, because they're having such a hard time getting to church by 9:30.  They wanted very much to come worship in person, but a number of folks have found the early start time either difficult or preventative.  We needed at least to try to accommodate these folks who are so faithful and so committed to being in church but who've been having such a hard time just physically getting here.
 
Of course, what's easier for one group of parishioners is often a hardship for another group of parishioners.  Since making the announcement of the temporary time change, I’ve also heard from a number of people who can only attend an earlier service.  We need to accommodate these folks, too, obviously.  And we will.
 
But while it might have been possible to add an 8 o’clock or 8:30 service and continue to hold the live-streamed service at 9:30, I really didn’t want to do that, and I’ll tell you why:  long-term goals.
 
Ultimately, when we get to the point of being truly post-Covid and the pandemic restrictions have been fully lifted, what I'd really love to see on a Sunday morning would be something like this: 
 

• An early Eucharist that would be spoken only, no music, and that would overall be a quieter, more contemplative service (and not live-streamed);
• A fellowship/Sunday School 'hour' during which we'd have coffee and refreshments, and also classes for kids, youth, and adults running at the same time (for the adults, maybe 30 minutes for coffee & fellowship, followed by c. 45 minutes or so for formation?) ~ I really want to get an adult formation class going on Sunday mornings;
• A later Eucharist with full music & pageantry that will be our "live streaming" service each week.

 
There are, of course, any number of problems with trying to organize Sunday mornings that way.  Probably the biggest, most difficult problem would be that fellowship and adult formation would conflict with our choir’s pre-Covid schedule, which had the choir rehearsing between services (and sometimes while the first service was still going on).  I don’t want our choir members to have to choose between their love of music ministry, on one hand, and both fellowship and Christian formation, on the other.  We could, alternatively, do adult Formation after the second service, but I imagine that most folks ~ especially those who would have kids who’d finished up Sunday School before the second service ~ would be ready to leave by then … and of course I’ve been cautioned about making people late for kickoff during football season (for the record, I have several good sermons prepared on that topic, should the opportunity arise! J).
 
It is, admittedly, an ambitious goal.  And, obviously, much more brainstorming and planning ~ and likely some experimenting ~ will have to happen before we can come close to a Sunday schedule like that.  But I think that should be the goal towards which we aim. 
 
(Of course, one of the main reasons I’m sharing these raw ideas with you, even though they are not even close to being worked out and ready to implement, is to get your feedback.  I very much want to hear from all of you about what you would like our Sunday mornings to look like.  Please do take some time to think about worship, formation, and fellowship, and let me know what you think ~ I’m including my email address & phone number below for just that purpose.)
 
In any case, we will return to a two-service schedule on Sundays.  It is my sincere hope that our new “regular” schedule will also include time for both coffee/fellowship and for Christian education and formation for all ages.  In terms of overall timing, it would make the most sense, I think, to try to kick off a schedule like that in the fall, when we will be launching our "program year" anyway, so that moving to the new schedule is simply part of what we do, as we gear up for that 21/22 program year.
 
One important thing has to happen, however, before we can get all the way there:  we need to wait to have full in-person Sunday School for kids until there's a vaccine available for children under 12.  Parents might not feel comfortable sending their kids to Sunday School without the option to have them vaccinated; as a parent myself, I don’t know that I would.  The latest rumors suggest that there might be a vaccine for children 5-12 in September, and perhaps in November there will be one for children even younger.  But we just don’t know yet, and that prevents us from making a concrete plan with a concrete timeline.
 
So that’s what’s going on “behind the scenes”; I hope that this context helps make a bit more sense out of the decision to experiment with starting at 10:30 in July.  As I mentioned earlier, I invite and encourage all your questions, comments, concerns, and creative ideas:  please share them with me at 920.266.9262 or at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com .  I very much look forward to hearing from you and we envision a new normal for All Saints Episcopal Church.
 
Yours always in Christ,
Christopher+
 

All Saints has updated our masking policy, adapted from the current guidelines put forth by the diocesan office: 
 

• Persons not fully vaccinated are asked to wear a mask when in church buildings.  If you have chosen not to get vaccinated, please remember that you can still transmit the virus to others even if you are asymptomatic.  It is vital that unvaccinated people take precautions to protect those around you who are vulnerable (children under 12, for whom there is no vaccine, folks with compromised immune systems, etc.), so please mask up!
  
  
• The wearing of a mask is now optional for fully vaccinated people.  Please note that if you have only had one shot of the Moderna or Pfizer vaccines, you are not yet fully vaccinated.  If you’ve had a complete round of vaccination, it’s up to you whether you want to mask up for church or not.
  
  
• All Saints will continue to have a supply of disposable masks available for any who may wish to use one.  We will likewise continue to have hand sanitizer available for use when entering the building and during the Sunday service, as well.

 
Thanks, y’all! 

My dear friends in Christ,
 
Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!
 
Discernment Process, Part 2
 
I had achieved a real clarity about my calling in winter of 2001, but by the time it got to be 2004, nothing had come of it.  It seemed to me that I was going in circles.  I would spend six or eight months participating in a specific series of meetings or workshops or “discernment activities” … and as soon as I was done, another six- or eight-month exercise would pop up, which I’d be told I had to complete before I could meet with the bishop.  Everyone, from the diocesan level to the parish, from clergy to laity, said the discernment process was “broken,” but nobody seemed able to fix it.  In fact, I could never get a clear answer as to whether I was even officially in the discernment process.
           
Something had to give.  I decided to take some time off from church activities.  To be clear, I never considered leaving the Church—especially not after having recognized a call to serve Christ with my life.  But I needed to take a step back in order to reflect on where ~ and who ~ I was. 

I’d been teaching freshman English full time at Spartanburg Community College (then Spartanburg Technical College) since the spring of 2002.  After moving to Spartanburg in the fall of 1999, I taught part time at Furman University from 2000-2001, and I’d also been teaching as an adjunct at STC since the spring of 2001.  Perhaps, I thought, my calling is to serve in an academic, as opposed to an overtly ministerial, capacity.  Certainly, teaching freshman classes at a community college involves a great deal of counseling, if not outright ministering…  

At that time, I was also dealing with several more mundane concerns:  buying a new car for the first time, buying my first house, learning to handle the pressures of a career as opposed to a mere job) … Moreover, I found that, after my recent church experiences and the resulting frustration and confusion, quite frankly, I need to heal, emotionally and psychologically, before I could return fully to the question of vocation.  I felt severely let down by the parish in which I’d placed my trust, and by the process itself, and I needed to sort those feelings out and let go of whatever negativity was there before I could proceed to anything else in that regard.

In the meantime, Fr. Rob, with whom I’d initially discussed discernment, had accepted the position of rector at another Episcopal church in Spartanburg:  St. Matthew’s.  In the summer of 2005, having been away from active church participation for roughly a year, I decided I needed to visit Fr. Rob in his new church.  I did not, at the time, intend to switch my parish membership, much less to become actively involved again, but I quickly ended up doing both those things. 

The atmosphere at St. Matthew’s was markedly different than what I’d known at my previous parish.  This congregation, though just as divided politically, instead of focusing on their anger and fighting things out to see who “won” and therefore was “right,” primarily focused on worship of Jesus Christ, and I found that … rejuvenating.  I jumped into music ministry again, joining the guitar choir that played and sang for the healing Eucharist on Wednesdays.  I even considered beginning active discernment again in this new parish, despite the fact that I’d have to start over from scratch.  Once again, though, life offered me an unexpected turn.

There was a young lady in the Wednesday night guitar group who was herself a new member of the parish, a music therapist working in the behavioral health unit of Spartanburg Regional Hospital.  Anne and I became close quickly and started dating.  And despite a brief moment of “cold feet” on my part at the very beginning (I had never connected so quickly and so thoroughly with another person as I did with her, and honestly it scared me at first!), our relationship deepened into an abiding love.  In November of 2006, I asked her to marry me, and we were married on the 19th of May, 2007. 

In the ensuing year, I began learning not only how to be a full-grown adult with a career, a car, and a house, but also how to be a husband, as well.  All of which is to say that it seems clear to me now that God understood, back in 2004, that I had a lot of education to catch up on before I should consider going forward with any vocational discernment, even if at the time I hadn’t seen it that way.
As we began our second year of marriage, Anne and I began exploring the deeper, existential questions of life together, questions about vocation and purpose.  We realized that where we were was not where we felt ourselves to be of greatest service.  I discovered that I loved teaching, yet I had not felt fulfilled or fully devoted to what it was I’d been teaching for a while.  I felt, and still feel, drawn to the academic study of religion, and I wondered if perhaps my call were to pursue a Ph.D. and move on to teach at a university.  At the same time, that powerful sense of clarity I’d discovered back in 2001, being called to serve God and God’s people through the ministering of the Sacraments, still haunted me.  I was at a crossroads, uncertain how proceed.

I needed help finding a way forward.  That, and the powerful sense of call to sacramental ministry, drove me once again to engage in active discernment within a structured Church environment.  I had to tell Fr. Rob … but how would he respond, given that I’d stepped away from discernment several years before?
 
To be continued...
Peace,
C+

My dear friends in Christ,
 
Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!
 
Discernment Process, Part 1
         
And that is where the matter stood when I arrived in Spartanburg, South Carolina, in the fall of 1999.  Some important things happened at that point:  I became active in a parish, participating in its Canterbury young adult ministry from my first weeks here.  In the summer of 2000, I traveled (as one of several adult chaperones) with the church’s youth to the village of White Horse, South Dakota, on the Cheyenne River Indian Reservation, for my first mission trip.  I attended meetings of the Committee on Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Upper South Carolina, including a planning session for the annual Cross-Roads gathering.  For two years, I taught Rite Thirteen Sunday School.  All of these activities gave me insight into the meaning of living a life of service, and all of them strengthened my sense of purpose and calling to ministry.
           
In early 2001, after participating in a workshop facilitated by Fr. Rob Brown (then the associate rector of the church I’d been attending since coming to Spartanburg) entitled “The Voice of the Lord’s Invitation,” all of these experiences came together for me.  The workshop focused not on directions or end-goals for our lives, but rather on discovering what gifts we have been given by the grace of God and by virtue of being who we are.  Doing that showed me what choices I’d already been making, subconsciously at least, about which priorities were most important to me in my life.  And I began clearly to see a distinct pattern, a definite direction that my life had been taking up to that point—sometimes in spite of myself.
           
That direction was one of ever deeper, ever more profound encounter with the mystery of the Christ.  A close friend of mine once told me he respected the fact that I was willing to ask spiritual questions that made him too uncomfortable, that he himself would never ask.  The comment surprised me, because I hadn’t realized until then that it wasn’t something I was willing to do at all; it was something that, being who I am, I have to do.  As I had grown closer to Christ, through my searching and questioning, and through my life experiences, I felt a growing need to share what I felt, what I’d seen, what I’d experienced firsthand, with others.  Helping others, if possible, to approach and move into that mystical encounter with Christ Jesus, or merely proclaiming the very potential of such an encounter (that it is something that can actually, really happen!), was something that I not only felt called to do; it was something that—having now examined closely the details of my life up to that moment—I had apparently already been doing, for as far back as I could recall.
           
That is what led me, in the spring of 2001, to feel called to seek Holy Orders.  I was at the point of making a conscious choice:  to make the seemingly random patterns that led me to that moment in my life an active part of my awareness and daily activity.  To do intentionally and consciously what I had been doing automatically and unconsciously.  It became clear to me that whatever gifts I’d been given in life had been entrusted to me by God for the work of bringing about God’s Kingdom in the world.  I felt that, in order to develop these blessings to their fullest extent and to use them for the greatest good and the highest purpose, I would need the training, community, structure, and—eventually—the authority that comes with seminary and ordination.
           
To that end, I became even more actively involved at my church than I had been up to that point.  I became a lay reader and chalice bearer, so that I could participate more fully in the liturgy and especially the Eucharist; I offered my abilities as a musician, playing guitar for contemporary evening worship services.  I directed a “reader’s theatre” production of the play Christ in the Concrete City as both a Lenten reflection (for the actors) and as an Easter celebration (the performance) for the parish.  Over a period of roughly two months, I co-presented, with the Rev. Marilyn Sanders, an adult education class/Bible study/workshop the purpose of which was to bring together parishioners of varying viewpoints and opinions (in the wake of the confirmation of Bishop Robinson) to discuss issues of sexuality within the Church from cultural, anthropological, theological, and Scriptural perspectives (this parish, at the time, was deeply divided, as were so many parishes, and indeed the national Church itself, over such issues).
           
Despite all of that activity, however, my own discernment process never seemed to move forward.  I met with the church’s Vestry; I participated in a six-month workshop, meeting with a committee of Vestry members and lay folk to explore the various canons of ministry.  I met regularly with the rector, Fr. Clay Turner, but in spite of his strong support, the process seemed to stall out.  At the time, I didn’t quite understand what was going on.  To this day, I’m sure I do not have the whole picture.  I did discover, however, in later years that this particular church has in its history only rarely sent anyone to seminary, even though it is one of the largest churches in the Diocese of Upper South Carolina, and one of the most blessed in terms of people, education, and resources.  Eventually, I became not so much disillusioned, but frustrated and more than a little confused about God’s plan for me.  After having felt like I’d finally achieved such clarity about my calling in 2001, by the time it got to be 2004 and no further progress had occurred (at least from my point of view), I believed I needed to reconsider some things.

To be continued...

Peace,
C+

My dear friends in Christ,
 
Here is the next installment of my Spiritual Autobiography.  As I mentioned in the introduction to Part 1, I’m sharing these details of my spiritual journey from childhood to priesthood and to All Saints Episcopal Church not (with all due respect to Walt Whitman) to celebrate myself, but in an attempt to begin (at least) to make up for time lost to the Covid-19 pandemic, time we would otherwise have been able to spend getting to know each other and building the close relationships that are so important to the life and health of a thriving parish.  If anything here sparks your interest, if you have questions, or if you’d just like to connect and talk about something else entirely, please let me know at fatherchristopherallsaints@gmail.com, or at 920.266.9262.  I look forward to hearing from y’all!
 
Call Story, Pt. 3
 
By the time I was in graduate school (at Southern Illinois University) in my late twenties, I believed I had managed to get a pretty fair idea of what I, personally, believed, and that I had nurtured a healthy and productive relationship with Christ Jesus on my own, independent of any formal worship or of any formal institution.  Not really having experienced such a thing for myself at that point, I had little concept of a “faith community,” much less a “church family.”  The irony, therefore, of nurturing a healthy and productive relationship with Christ Jesus in the absence of the covenant community was quite lost on my younger self. 

Having spent so many years “on my own,” I took it as given that my particular beliefs, understandings, and perspectives would never fit in within the mainstream Church.  Of course, I hadn’t stopped to examine that assumption, or even to realize it was in fact an assumption—not until I had been in grad school for almost two years (of a three year program).  Coming back into town after visiting a friend for the weekend, it struck me (“out of the blue,” as it were) that in all the time I’d been in school in Carbondale, I’d never set foot inside the local Episcopal church.  The particular thought that hit me, riding back on the train, was that I had no clue what the inside of the local church looked like.  On a whim (or so it felt at the time), I resolved to get up the next morning and go to the Sunday service there.

That proved to be another pivotal choice.  Once I got involved at St. Andrew’s, I quickly experienced a series of revelations.  No more visions or anything like that; these were much more mundane realizations, yet their impact upon me was nearly as profound.  To put these realizations into perspective, let me jump back in time for just a moment.  I had been taught from an early age, being brought up in the Church, that God is everywhere, in all things, and so I’ve always felt that connection on a personal level, as I’ve described.  But I also grew up with the notion that priests, as the official servants of God’s Church, were somehow different from regular, normal folk—that they were in some strange way not “real” people.  So for all the years I spent pursuing the spiritual quest that I’d begun at age 13, it was possible for me to admire the priesthood as an institution, and the individual priests who served the churches I’d attended, all the while thinking, “It would be wonderful to serve God in that way … but those people aren’t like me.  And I’m certainly not like that.  Not like them.”

Several things happened toward the end of my studies in Illinois to alter that belief.  First, I began to meet—as an adult—actual members of the clergy, as well as people preparing for or already in seminary.  I kept thinking, “But wait, these people seem to be exactly like me.”  It was unnerving at first, to say the least.  At the same time, I was realizing that, though I was about to complete my master’s degree (and thus be qualified to begin a career in college teaching), I had yet to find a direction or purpose in life that truly commanded my conviction.  Teaching was something that I could do, but I was not at all sure that it was something I should do.  I felt compelled to seek a vocation that would make the best use of my life, for the greatest good.  Additionally, through working with the priest in Carbondale and through attending various Province V and national conventions, I had come to see that the personal beliefs and perspectives which I thought I had hammered out for myself in isolation were, in many cases, perfectly in-sync with where the contemporary Church stood. 

I also started noticing a lot of little things, which collectively seemed to point in a particular direction.  Sometimes, it was a subtle as a line in a book that leapt off the page—“Who, in this modern day and age, will once again take up the Mysteries of Christianity?” one author asked, seemingly of me, personally.  At least once, though, it was really on the nose.  I’d worn a black, circle-necked shirt to church one Sunday (because I didn’t like wearing neckties), and at the peace, Father Isaac came over, shook my hand, and told me “We need to get you a collar to go with that!”  I hadn’t even known the man for a month, and I’d not yet spoken to him of any feelings of vocation.  And for his part, he was I’m sure just joking around with a parishioner.  But still.  In the context of my life at that point, the moment stood out like a shout in a silent room.  How did he know?  

Thus, having lost my best excuses for not seriously considering the priesthood, I realized that if I didn’t explore that possibility in earnest, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

To be continued…
 
Peace,
C+